Stuck

Lately I have been thinking about what to do with my life. My main goal always is to be an amazing mom and wife. However, I feel like I need to be doing more to accomplish this. The main thing being going back to school. I have really been contemplating this lately. Last year when we moved here I was really focused on finding a school to start and a program that I would enjoy getting into, then 3 weeks into us living here I found out I was pregnant. All the programs I was interested in would have to be placed on hold due to the fact that the baby was going to be born before I would finish. So I planned on working. The family I found to work with as a nanny has been AMAZING!!! They are so supportive, kind, loving and welcoming. Everything you would want for in a boss. Not to mention an unbelievable Christmas bonus, bringing dinner by after Kevin was born, and being completely open to letting me bring Kevin with me to work. Like I said AMAZING!! Well, of course all AMAZING things in the military community don't last. They are getting assigned to a different state :( so I am at a crossroads. I could look for another amazing family to work for who would be as understanding and accepting as them, or I could take time off from working and go back to school. Going back to school sounds like a great idea, and I could probably qualify for financial aid. But then I would need to find a babysitter which is not something I look forward to doing. We have no family here so it would need to be a stranger and that makes me nervous. It's ironic to me how I feel completely comfortable working as a nanny but absolutely dread that I might have to find one for my son. I DO NOT want to do daycare until Kevin is able to talk, that way if there is anything going on he will be able to communicate with me. So, I decided to look into night classes but then that means giving up my nightly routine with my son, not being able to feed him, read to him, snuggle him and so many other things. Even taking night classes would not ensure that we wouldn't need to find a sitter. Because as is common in the military nothing is ever sure, Ken may have duty on a night that I'm in school or another dreaded "what if" is a deployment. Which sounds like something that would happen right as we get everything figured out to our liking. SOOO.... what to do. I want Kevin to be proud of his Mom, I want him to have a college account, I want a big savings set up for him. I want so much for him. But most of all I don't want to miss out on spending time with him.