Nursing woes no longer

About a week and a half ago I was having a really hard time with nursing. The baby was going through a horrendous growth spurt and was wanting to nurse for hours on end. When I decided I was going to breast feed I had this vision in my head of sitting down for a few minutes, nursing, burping and whala I'm done. I also wanted to exclusively breast feed. At the hospital we actually needed to supplement because since Kevin had swallowed his meconium it made him very sick the first two days and my colostrum wasn't even in yet, the Dr's were worried about his nutrition. So even though he was still nursing for the sake of getting my milk to come in we did have to formula feed. This was really upsetting to me because not only did my birth plan get cheated by having to have a C-section, now the way I wanted to feed my child was getting changed. I vowed once my milk came in it would be strictly breastfeeding. Then I got home and realized it involves a lot more than a few minutes. I also discovered that being bigger breasted has some disadvantages when it comes to nursing. For the first two weeks everything seemed to be going o.k, he was nursing for about 15-20 min every 2-3 hours. I realized there is only one position called the football hold that is really comfortable for me to nurse in. The other positions are hard to get settled into and are hard to manipulate my breasts to work with. I also realized electric pumps are not our friends, and are made for smaller women. I had planned on pumping so Ken could share in the feedings, the bonding they provided, and could help in the mornings or provide an occasional relief bottle. However, pumping led to soreness, it was difficult to get the suction to stay no matter what shield I tried, and it yielded little results (barely an ounce each breast) which meant by the time the baby was hungry Ken would have to use the little milk I pumped to feed Kevin since I was still sore and sometimes he would still be hungry. Which I would then be frustrated. I loved the bonding nursing was providing for the baby and I and beyond the not being able to pump and the positioning everything else was going fine. It seemed as though he was getting the nutrition he needed and he seemed content after each feeding. Into the third week things changed dramatically. He went through a growth spurt and was wanting to nurse for hours, which would essentially drain my breasts, and he wasn't getting satisfied. I know that nursing is usually a supply and demand system but for some reason (probably stress, lack of sleep and lack of nutrition) my system was not catching up to the demand. He literally nursed for almost 2 hours and 20 minutes one night, and every time he unlatched and I went to burp him he frantically searched for the breast, sucking at his fingers and acting as if he was starving. I manually tried to see if after over 2 hours I was expressing anything and nothing came out. I was drained, exhausted and frustrated. My baby seemed like he was starving and once again my body wasn't cooperating with what I wanted it to do. I broke down, I bawled like I have never cried before. Ken felt horrible and tried to talk me into feeding him some formula, I at first resisted but then after 20 more minutes of unsuccessful nursing I gave in. One ounce was all it took to make our little man happy, he fell right to sleep afterward and didn't wake up for 5 1/2 hours. I still felt horrible. Society makes us feel as though formula is poison and that to be the BEST mom you must breast feed. And after talking to my biological mom and sister that was the vibe I got from them too. Then I went to work one evening for one of my childcare clients. She asked how things were going and I broke down and told her the problems I was having. She told me that nursing and formula feeding is, according to her pediatrician about a 50/50 thing. And it's very common for a lot of woman to do both. She made me feel a lot better. As long as my baby was getting nutrition that was the important thing. The next day I talked to my mom "A" who only formula fed her babies. She also made me feel a lot better. I was trying and I was giving it my all, which is a lot more than some people can say. Some don't even try, but here I was pouring my heart into nursing. She made me realize that stress and frustration can have a lot to do with unsuccessful nursing. That I needed to just relax and if I needed to occasionally give the baby a formula bottle not to stress about it. It happens. I was mostly breastfeeding and he was getting the benefits from it. So I stopped stressing... and guess what happened? BAM... hello Dolly!!! My milk supply came in full affect!!! Since then the baby seems happy after each feeding, I can actually hear him gulping down milk, which before I did for maybe the first 30 seconds. But now I know he is getting what he needs. And if Ken wakes up with him on the weekends and feeds him formula so I can sleep in, I don't stress about it. And at night when we get ready for bed I nurse for about 10 min and top it off with 2 ounces of formula and he sleeps like a champ... I don't stress about it. He is still mostly nursing and is still getting the great benefits it provides. Plus we still get to enjoy the bonding it creates but this time without the small resentment I was starting to feel, not towards the baby, but to myself for not being able to provide and for feeling like a failure. I know my baby is happy and healthy and that's what matters most!!